The Fabiyi family responds to Dino Melaye’s statement on his divorc

The Fabiyi family responds to Dino
Melaye’s statement on his divorce
Tokunbo Melaye's family have responded to the
statement Dino Melaye released a few days ago
on his divorce, and explained why this case is
important for gender rights in Nigeria. Statement
below
On the 18 th of December, Mr. Gbenga (Dino)
Melaye released a statement through a
certain Toyin Akande (Esq), addressing the
divorce proceedings filed by Tokunbo
Melaye (nee Fabiyi). Mr. Akande is
purportedly a lawyer and a family friend.
Tokunbo, who was Mr. Melaye’s wife for
over a decade is not aware of any family
friend or lawyer who bears this name.
The statement that was released on Mr.
Melaye’s behalf was filled with malicious
falsehoods aimed at deflecting attention from
the very serious allegations of physical
assault, psychological abuse and emotional
trauma that Dino Melaye has inflicted on
Tokunbo over the last decade. (A battered
Tokunbo pictured above. Continue)
Our preference as a family has always been for
this issue to have been maintained as a private
matter because of the three wonderful children
that Tokunbo and Dino had together. Since Mr.
Melaye has chosen to publicly malign Tokunbo’s
image, and to impugn her character, we are
constrained to respond to his recent statement, so
that our silence is not construed to be consent.
We are aware that Mr. Melaye is a master of
manipulation, and is extremely adept at using the
press to his own advantage. For far too long, his
deceptions have been allowed to go unchallenged
by the Nigerian press. For over a decade, Mr.
Melaye has muzzled Tokunbo’s voice. But truth is
a persistent flame that cannot be forever
extinguished. Tokunbo is not one of the numerous
women of easy virtue that are Mr. Melaye’s stock
in trade. Neither is she one of the government
officials that Mr. Melaye regularly harangues for
his own gain.  Tokunbo is a loving mother of three
lovely children, and she was until September 25th,
2013 a dutiful wife to Mr. Melaye.
Mr. Melaye’s statement had four broad themes
which we will address in turn:
1. Mr. Melaye denied ever being violent to
Tokunbo, and dared Tokunbo to show proof of
any assault during their decade long
marriage.
2. Mr. Melaye denied owning any
“ammunition” and conceded that a police
search of his office and premises took place
in Tokunbo’s presence on Nov 4th.
3. Mr. Melaye insinuated that the three
lovely and innocent children of their union,
whom he (Dino) had prevented Tokunbo from
seeing since September 25th, 2013, were with
their mother, and that he only had “supervised
access to them.”
4. Mr. Melaye claimed that Tokunbo was
being used by his “political enemies”, and that
she had “stolen” a car and other sundries
from him and given it to her “lovers”
Proof of Mr. Melaye’s History of Assault
1. The Nigerian public is aware that Mr.
Melaye has the unique distinction of being the
first Legislator in our political history to turn
the National Assembly into a boxing ring. It
should not be too difficult to imagine what the
private conduct will be, of a man who saw no
issues with turning a hallowed legislative
chamber into an arena of violence in full view
of 160 million Nigerians. If the public Mr.
Melaye is garrulous and prone to violence, the
private Mr. Melaye, free from the prying eyes
of outsiders, is an unfettered beast.
2. Abusers do not believe that their victims
are bold enough to document their abuse.
What they forget however is that others who
love and care for those victims can detail the
abuse on their behalf. A number of the
assaults inflicted on Tokunbo over the years
have required hospitalization, and in one
case, reconstructive surgery to Tokunbo’s
nose after Dino battered her. Every hospital
dutifully places a record of each visit in a
patient’s medical files. We have obtained
certified copies of the records in Tokunbo’s
medical files from two attacks – in 2005 and
2010 and these have been attached to this
letter.
3. We are also glad to oblige Mr. Melaye’s
challenge for proof with the attached pictorial
evidence of his extensive history of abuse
towards Tokunbo, from a vicious attack on
her on Oct 1 st, 2010. While Nigeria was
celebrating its 50th independence
anniversary, a man who is supposedly a
conscience of the nation, was busy attacking
his own wife with a wood plank.
4. The only reason why there are pictures
from the 2010 assault was because
Tokunbo’s brothers were in Abuja on the day
in question and had rushed down to meet her
at the Wuse Zone 3 Police Station which is
close to their home, where she had fled to
escape Mr. Melaye’s assault. Tokunbo’s
brothers were present when the police took
her statement, and were present when
Tokunbo was accompanied by a police
constable to Wuse Hospital for the treatment
of wounds to her arms, sustained as she
attempted to protect her head from being hit
by a wood plank Mr. Melaye was assaulting
her with.
5. Mr. Melaye’s shameful cowardice is
also on record. After Tokunbo’s wounds were
treated on Oct 1 st, we (her brothers) went to
Mr. Melaye’s residence to find out why he had
assaulted our sister. On seeing us, the man
who was a wood plank wielding warrior to a
defenseless woman, took to his heels, asked
his guards to lock his gates from the inside,
and was reduced to peeping through a
curtain. Mr. Melaye then placed a call to the
police to report that “armed robbers” were at
his home. The police response team that
came was comprised of some of the officers
from Wuse Zone 3 police post that we had
met when Tokunbo had gone to make her
statement. They immediately recognized us
when they arrived, and left in disgust and
disbelief that the distress call came from Mr.
Melaye. The police can verify all these facts
from their records.
Possession of a Gun vs. Possession of
Ammunition & Claims of Arrest for Anti-Corruption
Activities on Nov 4 th
1. Why did Tokunbo stay with Dino Melaye
for over a decade? We are a Christian family.
As people of faith, we believe in God’s ability
to change men and circumstances. That is
how we were brought up. We were also taught
that you should fight for the ones you love.
2. Tokunbo stayed and endured all that
Dino did to her, because of her faith in God’s
ability to change him and her belief that
marriage is an institution that is sacrosanct.
Above all, she stayed because of her children
– all of whom she loves greatly. Mr. Melaye
had made it clear to her over the years that if
she ever left him, he would ensure that she
never saw her children again.
3. Tokunbo only filed for divorce when the
assaults from Dino escalated to the level of
having a gun pulled on her. A man who had
broken a laptop on her head, attacked her
with a wooden plank, broken her nose to the
extent that it required surgery, beaten her to
the point of miscarriage of one pregnancy,
assaulted her to the point where her last child
was almost born preterm and she required
Cervical Cerclage (suturing of the cervix) to
prevent the loss of that pregnancy, would
certainly have no problems with something as
simple as pulling a trigger. When Mr. Melaye
threatened to kill her and declared that “You
will die and nothing will come of it. I am
untouchable,” Tokunbo knew that she would
be killed if she returned to Mr. Melaye’s
home.
4. We obviously do not expect that Mr.
Melaye will admit to owning a gun.
Interestingly his public statement did not deny
that he owned a gun, but rather that he did not
have “any ammunition” and that “no gun was
found” when the police searched his home
and offices on Nov 4 th. The distinction
between Mr. Melaye’s complete denial of
owning ammunition (i.e., bullets) and his
statement that “no gun was found” is
important. Certainly, Mr. Melaye knows the
difference between the words “Gun” and
“ammunition”
5. Mr. Melaye admitted that there was a
search of his residence and office on Nov 4 th
2013 in Tokunbo’s presence. Yet, he lied to
the press and Nigerians, when he claimed that
the police search on that date was in relation
to his “anti-corruption activities”. We call on
the press to stop allowing themselves to be
unwittingly used as tools by people like Mr.
Melaye who can, and will do anything to
remain in the public eye.
Whereabouts of the Children
1. Mr. Melaye insinuated in his statement
that the three children of their union are with
Tokunbo, and that he has only supervised
access to them. According to him: “He (Dino
Melaye) is content though PAINED to see his
kids only at visits fully controlled by her
(Tokunbo Fabiyi).” This statement has been
interpreted by some as an indication that the
children are in Tokunbo’s care and custody.
We wish to categorically state that this is a
patent falsehood.
2. Mr. Melaye has prevented Tokunbo
from seeing her children since September
25th, 2013. From September 25 th to
November 12th, Tokunbo’s only means of
contacting the children was to go to their
school – Tender Years Preparatory School -
and spend a few precious moments with them
after their classes. When Mr. Melaye found
out Tokunbo was seeing her children in
school, he requested that the school should
prevent Tokunbo from seeing them. The
School Principal worked out what she thought
was a reasonable arrangement that allowed
Tokunbo to see her children about three times
a week for 10 minutes each (see attached
letter).
3. Even this arrangement, lopsided as it
was against the mother of the children, was
not satisfactory to Mr. Melaye. He stopped the
children from going to school from Wednesday
November 13th to Tuesday November 19th. It
took Tokunbo’s entreaties to some family
friends to get Mr. Melaye to allow the children
back to school. The kids started going to
school again on Wednesday November 20th.
Mr. Melaye went to the school with a group of
thugs and threatened the Principal that he
would “scatter” the school if Tokunbo was
allowed to see the children again. Since that
date, the school has prevented Tokunbo from
coming on the school premises. Tokunbo has
therefore not seen her children since
November 12th.
4. As late as Dec 13th 2013, Dino Melaye’s
lawyer was in a mediatory session organized
by FIDA (Federacion Internacional De
Abogados, or the International Federation of
Women Lawyers) at their Abuja office. One of
the major topics of discussion at that meeting
was the custody of the children. All the
participants at that meeting, including Mr.
Melaye’s counsel and the FIDA mediation
committee will be able to verify that Mr.
Melaye has complete and total custody of the
children, and has denied Tokunbo access to
them since November 12th.
5. We encourage the Press to follow up on
these issues if they are truly interested in
knowing the truth.
Associating with Dino’s “Political Enemies”, Giving
of a car to a “young lover”
1. Tokunbo Melaye (nee Fabiyi) is not a
politician, and has no interest in politics. This
case is simply about getting justice. It is
ironic that a man who purports to be the
“voice of the masses” and a defender of the
rights of Nigerians denies basic human rights
to his own wife. Dino Melaye’s constant
physical and psychological battery of
Tokunbo, and his use of their innocent
children as pawns constitutes serious and
egregious human rights abuse.
2. We challenge Mr. Melaye to show
evidence of any discussion, meeting, or
association between Tokunbo and any of his
so-called political enemies. We challenge Mr.
Melaye to name names. A man who can
openly and maliciously accuse his wife of
infidelity should have no qualms naming the
so-called enemies that his wife is supposed to
have been cavorting with. Since Mr. Melaye
claims Tokunbo has collected monies from
his enemies, let him tell Nigerians who these
political enemies are that Tokunbo has
allegedly collected money from. We also give
permission to any Bankers who have access
to any of Tokunbo’s accounts to let the world
know if Tokunbo Melaye (nee Fabiyi) has any
Bank account that has any sums of money
lodged beyond her salary as a Civil Servant.
We assure them that we as a family have
waived all rights to privacy that Tokunbo has
to her Bank accounts. We wonder if Mr.
Melaye would be bold enough to open himself
up to the same scrutiny of his finances.
3. Knowing how infidelity by women is
frowned upon in our culture, Mr. Melaye in a
calculated move to discredit Tokunbo, claimed
that she “gave a brand new car” Mr. Melaye
gave her to her “young lover.” Let him tell
Nigerians the make and model of the car that
Tokunbo supposedly gave to a “young lover,”
and let him tell us what the identity of this
“young lover” is.  Since he claims to have
seen his possessions on Tokunbo’s “lovers”
it must mean he “knows” them. We challenge
him to name these so called lovers.  We warn
Mr. Melaye in advance, that should he attempt
to muddle the waters with fictitious names
and characters, or paid bearers of false
witness, our family will deploy every resource
at our disposal towards further exposing
every single falsehood perpetrated by Mr.
Melaye or his proxies.
4. What does it say of a man’s character if
he has no qualms, and no moral dilemma
about making up deliberate falsehoods about
a woman that he called his wife, and the
mother of his children? One day, those
children will be old enough to read their
father’s calculated and wicked allegations
against their mother. God, and they, will judge
Mr. Melaye. We are confident that truth, even
though crushed to the earth, shall always rise
again.
5. Mr. Melaye believes that by smearing
Tokunbo with allegations of infidelity he can
turn the tide of opinion against her in the court
of public opinion – which is the only court that
matters to Mr. Melaye. Because he has
established a fairly lucrative career as a
politician and “activist”, all that counts in his
world, is what people think of him. For
Tokunbo, however, all that matters is the
truth. Does Mr. Melaye really expect
Nigerians to believe that his wife did all these
things that he alleges in his letter, and still
remained in his house for over ten years? He
must really take Nigerians for fools. It is not
our family’s style to trade petty allegations
and frivolities with people like Mr. Melaye. We
will therefore not even bother to go into the
litany of cases of Mr. Melaye’s infidelity. The
odious public records of his serial
indiscretions are there for all to see.
6. If there is anyone using this sad case
for political gain, it is Mr. Melaye. He went out
publicly on Nov 4 th to claim that he had been
arrested by the police because of the Stella
Oduah case, while in fact, the police had gone
to his office and residence in response to
Tokunbo’s report to the police of his threat to
her life. Mr. Melaye publicly declared in all
the newspaper and blog reports about the
police visit of Nov 4th that “the two police
officers just told me that they have a warrant
of arrest on me with a charge of criminal
intimidation and threat to life but they did not
tell me who I intimidated and threatened.” The
truth was that Tokunbo was right there with
the police officers, and he admitted that she
was present during the search of his
premises in his own public statement. Yet Mr.
Melaye was bold enough to come before
Nigerians to tell them that he had no idea why
the police had been in his office and at his
home on Nov 4 th. Most Nigerians put the
news of that arrest down to Mr. Melaye’s
“fight” with Stella Oduah, which was exactly
what Mr. Melaye hoped would happen.
7. Mr. Melaye’s puerile and childish
attempt to try to defuse his well known cases
of infidelity and indecency by besmirching
Tokunbo’s reputation, has failed woefully.
Tokunbo Melaye (nee Fabiyi) is a well brought
up, Christian woman. She has borne this
cross with dignity, she has been long
suffering, and she has persevered. We are
proud of her – for being a survivor. Tokunbo
has displayed a strength and resilience that
we did not know she had. Her body might
have been bruised and battered by Mr.
Melaye, but her spirit is strong and unbroken.
She is a better person for all that she has
endured. Although we could not understand it
at first, we now see why she could not bear to
leave her children in Mr. Melaye’s hands, and
as a consequence chose to remain in an
abusive relationship. No child should be left in
the hands of a man with no character, no
moral compass, no awareness of historical
consequences, and no sense of common
decency.
Why this case is important to Gender Rights in
Nigeria
1. Nigeria remains a patriarchal society
with laws and cultural leanings that continue
to be lopsided against females. A mother’s
maternal instinct makes her likely to place the
welfare and wellbeing of her children above
her own. That wonderful instinct is also a
woman’s greatest vulnerability. It also leaves
her open to abuse in the hands of men willing
to exploit a mother’s maternal instinct.
2. There are certain pertinent questions
that we must ask ourselves as a nation: Why
can a man ask the proprietress of a school to
prevent his wife from seeing her children,
without a court order to that effect? Why
should a man have more parental rights than
a woman? Why should the burden of proof
always be on the woman? Why are we quick
to blame women for abuse – believing that
they must have done something to deserve it?
Why are we quick to judge them if they stay in
abusive relationships, and why are we also
ready to condemn them if they leave for not
being patient? Why do we ignore the reality
that spousal abuse is a real issue in this
country? How many women like Tokunbo are
out there, silently, quietly, bearing the burden
of abuse alone? Fearful that they will lose their
children if they speak out. Fearful that they
will be judged for the failure of their
marriages. Fearful that they will not find
justice in our laws or in our courts.
3. Tokunbo has been able to stand for
herself now, only because of her faith and the
support of her family. How many women are
out there who do not have the type of family
support that Tokunbo has? How many abused
women can defend themselves in the press,
or hire lawyers to take up their case? Must
they continue to fight and to suffer alone?
Must they continue to bear this crushing
burden all by themselves?
4. When this case began, Dino Melaye
declared that Tokunbo would never see her
children again, and that any case she thought
she had would be destroyed after “he worked
his magic on the press.” Certainly, Mr. Melaye
who was once Chairman of the House
Committee on Media and who had legislative
oversight over the Nigerian media has many
friends in the press. By failing to scrutinize
Mr. Melaye, the Nigerian press has been an
unwitting accomplice in perpetuating Mr.
Melaye’s abuse and falsehoods. The Nigerian
press has always been on the side of the
oppressed. In this case, we do not expect any
favors – we only ask that the press should
dig deeper, follow leads, ask questions, talk to
the doctors mentioned in the reports, talk to
the police and come to their own conclusions
about what is really going on.
5. As this case moves out of the court of
public opinion, to the court of law, our family
has already started to work on ensuring that
all abused women – not just Tokunbo - are
given a voice. We want to ensure that their
tears will no longer be shed in the dark, alone.
Their voices will no longer be muffled. Their
pain must become our collective pain.  No
nation that tolerates the abuse of its mothers
and daughters can progress.
Dr Malcolm Fabiyi
For Tokunbo & the Fabiyi family.